“Most of us weren’t taught how to forgive. We were taught how to swallow shit, pretend everything’s fine, and keep toxic people in our lives because ‘that’s family’ or ‘love is hard’ or ‘loyalty matters.’ Meanwhile, we stay loyal to people who wouldn’t piss on us if we were on fire."
Forgiveness is one of those words people love to throw around but rarely understand. That’s exactly why this excerpt became the backbone of my book. I included it because it’s the truth so many of us feel but never say out loud.
We weren’t raised into forgiveness, most of us were conditioned into silence. Conditioned to keep the peace. Conditioned to protect the same people who hurt us. Conditioned to be the “bigger person,” even when that meant shrinking ourselves down to nothing.
When I wrote that line, I was thinking about every moment I forced myself to hold onto someone who had already let go of me. Every time I accepted the apology that wasn’t backed by change. Every time I hugged someone who handed me the knife in the first place.
The truth is uncomfortable, but healing always starts there.
Why This Excerpt Matters
This moment from the introduction isn’t just raw, it’s reality. It exposes the pressure so many of us grew up with:
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Don’t speak up.
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Don’t rock the boat.
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Don’t make people uncomfortable.
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Don’t stop loving them, no matter how they treat you.
And when we finally break down from all that emotional weight? We’re told it’s our fault for “holding grudges.”
Forgiveness becomes a performance. Forgetting becomes survival mode. And suddenly, we’re carrying guilt that never belonged to us in the first place.
This Is Why I Wrote the Book
I wanted readers to see that they aren’t crazy, dramatic, bitter, or broken. They’re exhausted. They’re human. They’ve been operating under emotional rules they never agreed to.
I wrote this book to give us all permission to walk away from that conditioning. To redefine forgiveness. To stop pretending that loyalty means letting people destroy us with a smile on our face.
My message is simple:
Forgiveness is not about the person who hurt you.
It’s about freeing yourself from the grip their actions still have on your life.
And forgetting? That’s not erasing the past. It’s refusing to let it run your future.
What I Hope You Take From This
If that excerpt hit you in the gut, good. It was supposed to. It’s not meant to comfort you, it’s meant to wake you up. To remind you that your healing is yours. Not your family’s, not your ex’s, not your friend’s, not society’s.
You are allowed to leave relationships that break you.
You are allowed to forgive without reconciling.
You are allowed to stop explaining your pain to people who caused it.
You are allowed to choose yourself—finally, fully, unapologetically.
This book doesn’t teach you how to be a saint.
It teaches you how to stop being a sacrifice.
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